Shelter in Place Day 103
“It’s ok that you haven’t developed a sour dough starter or built a side hustle or worked out every day and it’s ok if you did.” — Sarah Noll Wilson
I found this great Twitter thread this morning, It was exactly what I needed to read. I find Twitter a great place to be nowadays. It’s where I get most of my news. It’s specific and to the point, and I find what I need when I don’t know I need it.
I had a breakdown lasts the night, I won’t go into the messiness of it, but TL;DR I had another “I’m a terrible writer I can’t do this shit spiral.” It’s been 100 days and I still don’t believe in myself enough to write the book I’m writing. I’m scared to finish it. The character is only giving me small openings, only letting me see small glimpses of himself.
And a very wise Husbear said to me last night, “Maybe he doesn’t feel like you’re ready to tell his story, yet.”
I’ve always said that writers aren’t crazy, because they write down what the voices in their heads are telling them. It’s crazy, I know. But, I’m scared to believe the voice in my head this time. Am I really in the right place to tell this story? Am I knowledgeable enough to put into words the situations I’ve created?
I’m beating myself up because I haven’t released anything in two years. I am floundering here, I stepped in to save my local writing group, but no one wants to volunteer to do anything. And everything else going on around me is stopping me from doing any writing. I’m organized and I’ve planned my next quarter, and I’ve got my stickies ready for my KanBan board. I’m just too scared to finish.
I’ve had 100 days and the most I’ve done is write a short story that one person praised and another said they didn’t understand, but I sent it in. I’m afraid of writing conflict because I hate conflict in my life. When pressed about it last night, I couldn’t even think of what to do with the books I’m working on now. I want to sit at the computer and have the words ripped out of my mind and on the paper, but I haven’t been able to do that lately.
Like the Sarah Noll Wilson quote above, it’s ok that I haven’t done anything. It’s ok that I wrote the short story. It’s ok that I sit at the computer and choose a game of Hearthstone over opening my MS.
We’re living in a Pandemic. When every time I wake in the morning and my throat is sore, or I see the new symptoms and think I have them, until I realize I started a new medication and it’s one of the side effects. When I get a text from my mom saying she’s sick, and I call her immediately to find out what’s up. When I want to go to a protest for my work, but I don’t want to risk running into people who’ll be complacent and not wear masks.
I’m scared of the world, scared for our nation, scared for our friends and loved ones, and the people I’ve yet to meet. It’s ok that I haven’t done it all. It’s ok that I haven’t written the best selling book I know that’s inside of me.
Read the thread I’ve linked, it might be what you need to read today too.
Have you accepted that you can’t get it all done?
https://twitter.com/sarahnollwilson/status/1276281247900356608?s=21
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Day 102
Shelter in Place Day 102“The question of what you want to own is actually the question of how you want to live your life.” — Marie Kondo
Yesterday the Husbear and I KonMari’d the kitchen and I’ve never felt better. We threw away broken things we’d kept because people had given them to us. We’ve reserved other items we’ll donate because we used them maybe once or kept because we bought them long ago and always wanted to use them but didn’t.
We reorganized the space to better suit our needs. We moved items to lower shelves so that The Husbear could reach them and put other items higher on shelves if we didn’t use them often. We got a new knife block because we’d noticed that all our old knives were dull, no matter how much we tried to sharpen them.
I’ve never seen my fridge so organized. Everything is exactly where it needs to be and we’ve got the best-organized junk drawer ever. Dish towels that had holes in them were tossed, a broken bowl that had many memories attached to it was thanked and placed in the trash. Plastic take out food containers were thrown away, as were all the old plastic leftover containers. They multiply, I swear, we found them everywhere.
There were items that remained with us, things that brought each of us joy, even though we rarely use them. Like the blue glass champagne flutes that belonged to The Husbear’s dad and a set of glass partyware that belonged to my parents. Both sets on high shelves for future use.
The reason that lower cabinet doesn’t have any glass storage containers, is because most of them are in the fridge with the good food we’ve been getting. We decided to get more glass storage containers, but when the box arrived they were plastic. We discovered that the lids work on our current glass containers, so we kept them for the lids that don’t work now. And then we realized something else Marie Kondo suggests, using boxes to contain items in drawers. That’s why we’ve got the nicest looking junk drawer.
In the end, we’ve got two trash bags full of stuff, a trolly of three boxes, a lamp, and a rice cooker to go to goodwill and when all of that is moved out, our kitchen will be a more pleasant place to cook. Something I noticed about myself since I’ve changed my eating, I’m cleaning up after myself in the kitchen. This was even before we decided to lessen our load.
I’m taking stock of my life and I want to live. I want to be healthier, I want to live in a pleasant place and I want to know where everything is. I’m glad the Husbear and I are on this journey together. Besides, we also realized if and when we move, it’ll be easier to pack up.
I’ve posted a link to the album of pictures. We realized we didn’t take before pictures, but the afters are so much better.
Our ultimate goal is to get a house, where we can entertain and use the party plates and blue glasses. Where we can celebrate our friends and our lives.
Have you tried the KonMari method of tidying up?
https://www.facebook.com/CarawayCarter/media_set?set=a.2621786094703148&type=3
Day 101
Shelter in Place Day 101
First off, I found out that Disney won’t be opening as soon as they wanted from a couple of news agencies. It’s usually what happens, the news finds out before we find out. But, CNN dropped the ball.
It’s not that they didn’t report that Disneyland and Disney California Adventure weren’t opening, they did. They just used a picture of Mickey Mouse in front of the Disneyworld castle. You can clearly see it’s not Sleeping Beauty’s castle because it’s huge.
Do your job, if someone was looking at the article and not reading everything, they’d see the castle and think, oh California is opening. I’m sure that’s not true, but from everything I’ve heard Florida is still moving ahead with their opening. Even though their employees have started a petition, much like our resort. Ours has 50,000 signatures on it.
I’m grateful that they aren’t opening, I know we all want to go back to work, but with over 7,000 cases reported yesterday alone with the OC being one of the top locations with infections, it was just too soon.
Getting complacent isn’t what we need right now. We need to be vigilant. Yesterday was one of the first days where I saw people actually wearing masks everywhere. We needed to have our car out of the garage for about three hours for power washing, so we decided to take a drive to pick up some things for our organization plans.
The Container Store limited the number of people entering, required a mask and the cashier wiped down the counters. The employees were all wearing their masks properly, as were the people shopping. They did the same thing at PetCo, they weren’t limiting, but they had distanced spaces and all people had their masks on properly.
I’ve been thinking of posting a cheat sheet on how to wear a mask properly and post it around town, I might even post one on the elevator in my building. The percentages of getting the virus I’ve heard were made up. But, it’s still safer if you wore one because some people don’t even know they have it.
Anyway, know your castles and know your parks and know that DLand and DCA will not be opening for a while, however, Downtown Disney will be opening according to their original plan, for now.
Did you know the difference between castles?
Day 100
Shelter in Place Day 100
The New Normal?
100 days since I sat at my computer and decided to post what it felt like being home. 100 days since I didn’t have to worry about getting ticketed for street sweeper day. Though, I’ve got two. Now I get up early like all the other out of work people and wait for the street sweeper to come around the corner so I can drive around the block and back to my space.
100 days since I started not caring about stuff and decided to eat an excess of cookies, brownies, coffee cake, and ice cream. We all know how that turned out. 100 days since I woke up super early because I thought I should stick with my work schedule. 100 days since I spent all day in the living room watching tv and zoning out.
In 100 days I’ve learned a lot more about my Husbear. I’ve learned he’s an amazing professor. The compassion he had for his students made me proud. He was available in office hour shifts six hours on Mondays & Wednesdays and four hours on Tuesdays & Thursdays. He’d end every zoom session with “Wash your hands!” And, “Be careful!” He’d check with them about their families and listen to them when things weren’t great, in addition to helping them with their questions.
In 100 days I learned that when I had the spark to write, I could. I finished a short story and submitted it for a call in 2.5 weeks. But, I also noticed that during the past 100 days if I was stuck, I’d stay stuck for many more days. During the past 100 days, I’ve been cast in three Shakespeare plays where we do table readings of the plays on Zoom. I’ve been cast in two other table readings, one for a Patreon and the other is a secret one I can’t talk about.
In January, I stepped up to be the president of the Orange County Chapter of RWA (Romance Writers of America). We had two physical meetings in our new location. Then the pandemic hit. In 100 days, we had one canceled meeting and three online workshops. Our fourth online is coming up in July. And its hard finding volunteers to help with things, because people are worn out.
In 100 days, I got sick and I snapped out of my self-destructive ways. In 100 days the Husbear and I grew up and decided we wanted to live in an organized household. We wanted to take care of each other and our cat, Molly. We were shorn recently and we’ve had her long hair shaved for the summer. She’s so cute.
In 100 days we’ve taken care of our financials and still managed to not fight. And if we do, we’ve learned to talk it out and be calm. In 100 days, I’ve discovered that taking time away from each other in this small apartment is still a good thing. He’s got his desk and I’ve got mine and they are on opposite sides of the apartment. But, in 100 days, I’ve discovered I still love to sit across from him at dinner.
In 100 days, we’ve watched all of the Marvel films, all of the Star Wars films, and we’re on the last season of Babylon 5. We stopped watching BA Test Kitchen and are addicted to Downshiftology on all platforms.
In 100 days, I’ve been in Zoom plays, had a drinking night with co-workers, zoomed with my old D&D group from college, zoomed two Seders, zoomed five RWA board meetings, and zoomed three meetings.
Yesterday, I said no to going back to work. I don’t know how long it’ll be, but I’ve seen an uptick in cases and it’s scary to me. I’ve also made the decision to not be angry about the A-holes who refuse to wear a mask, even when it’s mandatory. I can’t change people’s minds. I still wear a mask to empty my trash and do my laundry in my apartment building, because I don’t know where my neighbors have been.
It’s been 100 days and I’m pretty sure this all is my new normal.
What have you noticed about your last 100 days?
Day 99
Shelter in Place Day 99
“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” — Kahlil Gibran
I’d received two calls from my union informing me that I’d be receiving a call from HR telling me they want me to come back to work. I’m a lead, therefore I’ll be needed to get things ready. One from our union steward and another that left a message. Both told me I had the right to refuse the first call back to work.
So, I was prepared when the phone call came in this morning. I informed the woman that I was sorry, I currently did not feel safe returning to work, because I’d been in the ER earlier this month for my diabetes and did not feel safe returning this soon. I apologized because I do want to get back to work, but my health is more of a concern. What good would I be if I got sick?
For my health, I’d hate to get back to work and fall into old habits. As it is, I’m currently learning how to eat right again. I need to prepare for good food to take to work. And, that’s something I need to investigate as well. Taking a solid lunch and some snacks to get me through the day. My blood sugar is getting much lower, and I’m happy about that, but as I’ve said time and time again, it’s too soon.
We still don’t know if the Governor has approved them opening up, but they are acting like they are ready to open the gates. We’ll see what’s in store for us. I’m still on furlough, for the time being, but as soon as we’re approved to go back, I will have to go. I can’t refuse the phone call, because then I’ll have to be placed on a leave of absence.
For now, I’m grateful that we were given a chance to refuse and still remain on furlough status. I’m feeling much better about where my life is going, both health and happiness wise.
Have you gone back to work?
Day 98
Shelter in Place Day 98
I’m not gonna lie, I was really scared when I got in the bed at the ER. Before that, I was like, ok. My numbers are high, how bad can it be? It was bad. It could have gotten worse. It was the scare I needed to get me back to eating right. We’ve been down this road before, I’d eat terribly, then I’d hop on a diet. We’d be starved for desserts and I’d say, we can get this ice cream or look, these cookies are gluten-free, let’s get those. Like a bouncing ball, I’d fall off and dribble around the court, then I’d toss myself back into another version of another diet.
But, I can seriously admit that I’m not looking at this as another diet. I’m looking at this as my way of eating. I’m looking at this as a way to longevity, to being around for my Husbear, for my parents when they’ll need me. I’m making choices that feel good for me. And my test numbers are showing it.
Yesterday I had energy for the first time in a while, I got the final things from our shopping list. We’ve decided to prep our food for the week. Not the same dish all week, but so that we can reach in and make what we want. I poached five chicken breasts in chicken broth and they are cut up in a container. We sliced up cucumbers and carrots for snacks. We destemmed the kale for a meal later in the week. I have a container of crumbled bacon that I baked in the oven, so crispy and tasty to place on salads and other things.
Today on my docket of things to do: Spiralize the zucchini, make some egg muffins for the days we want something simple, and hummus for those carrots and celery. The dishes are amazing too, yesterday I made a green shakshuka, you might have seen a picture. And today I’m making asparagus, shrimp, and avocado salad. We also have a small herb garden on top of our microwave. We’ve placed them in containers with water so that we can just pick them as needed. Because a lot of the dishes we’re making use fresh herbs.
This time has enabled us to make changes in our lives, better changes. We’re getting organized, we’re prepping and we’re both feeling better.
Have you prepped for better times?