Day 68

Shelter in Place Day 68
“The only true blasphemy is the refusal of joy” — Church Lady #2, Jeffrey

I had a spiral yesterday evening. Something I’d read, really hit me in the gut, and I had a flashback to college when I was told my poem wasn’t good because I used a turn of phrase that wasn’t correct. 
Which bounced me to the teacher who said I was a comedic actor, therefore she wouldn’t cast me in The Glass Menagerie, because I would make it a comedy and it’s not. Which tossed me to the teacher who said, “We gave him the award, because he needs to be told he’s good, you already know you’re good.” 
To which I wanted to scream and say, I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy, I’m never going to be the best one or win the award. I’m not good enough for anything. Big ugly sobs, tears, and a feeling in the pit of my stomach that made me miserable most of the night. I couldn’t make the soup I wanted to make or even the feast I’d planned out for the Husbear and I, because I was lost in my less than feelings. 
So, I made a pretty good, healthy dinner I threw together and we watched two episodes of Babylon 5, and I still wasn’t there. So, the Husbear put his foot down and said, let’s watch Jeffrey, that will get you laughing. 
It did, and it made me feel better. I laughed and I cried some more and I celebrated a brilliant movie that made me realize, that I’m just as messed up like everyone else. And the thing I read was one person’s opinion of my writing. 
I’m still searching for the thing to make it special, but Joy is welcome in my life. And I won’t let anyone take that away. 

Have you let the things people say ruin your day?


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