Day 90

Shelter in Place Day 90
“Consistency creates habit and our habits shape our life.” — Anonymous

Wow, I can’t believe I’ve written ninety of these. I started it because it was a way for me to sort out what was going on in my life. Over the past ninety days, I’ve written about my personal ups and downs. About articles I’ve read, people being happy with their lives and those not successful with this pandemic, mainly me.

I fell the most important posts I’ve tried to write are about Covid19. To comment on how people have forgotten what to do, from mask-wearing to social distancing. I’ve posted articles that show we are still in the first wave. Articles about how the virus spreads and safety sites.

But, this post today is about habits. When I started posting these it was just a way to post about what was going on with me. March 16th was my last day at work. I was in the office when the got the word that everyone was being sent home. It was funny because I was in the manager’s office and one manager walked over to another, looked at me, and told me to not listen. He literally waited for me to plug my ears.

An hour later, a coworker walks in and says, “Disney is closing down and sending us home?” The manager who told me to plug my ears asked how they knew.

“It’s on the Disney blog.” She said.

The manager stood up and looked at me. “Guess you didn’t have to plug your ears, you should’ve just looked at the blog.”

As always the media finds out about things before most of us do. The plan was to send everyone home as soon as they could. I’d been there since seven, they said I could leave at noon, but I was kinda voluntold to leave as soon as I could. I remember going to the deployment hallway to check on people, but everyone was busy calling people and telling them not to come in and working on scheduling things.

It was hard saying goodbye and I’m not going to lie, I cried a little leaving work early. Although, I’m not going to lie now and say, if they call me to come back to work now, I’m going to say no. I’m at risk this early. And I still don’t think it’s time to go back, especially with California reporting 3k new cases a day.

But, that’s beyond the point. This habit grew and blossomed into a collection of 90 pieces short and long about everything affecting me. It morphed into something I never thought I’d be able to achieve. I get antsy when I’m running late on one, or I can’t think of what to talk about. The Husbear always says, “It’ll come to you.” And it always does. Sometimes, I’ll preplan something. Like I’ve got one about Costco, but I’ve yet to go, so no point in writing about it until I go there.

After being in the ER, I felt it was necessary to talk about what happened and if I’ve triggered some of you, I’m sorry. I’ll try to warn people before I discuss actual numbers. I’m not sure if I’ll write more about my diabetes or not, but I think I should, because I’m dealing with it, it’s a more focused part of my life. I’m actually paying attention to it now like I haven’t since I found out I had it.

I’ve had this problem where I’ve never believed I was good enough. I don’t know if it was the teacher that told me, “We’re giving him the award because you know you are good.” Or the other teacher who told me, “I’m not casting you in The Glass Menagerie, you’re a comedic actor.” Or the teacher that told me my poem was bad because the turn of phrase I used was wrong.” But, fuck them. I’ve published books, books that some people read. I wrote these and people tell me they look forward to them.

It’s time I believe in myself. I’ve written ninety shelters in place journals. I’m nearly finished with the third book in my rerelease series. I’m not stopping now.

Have you discovered a new you in the past ninety days?


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